Friday, January 23, 2015

Bless me geek gods for I have sinned

I committed one of the ultimate sins of fandom today, especially as a fangirl. In the world of GamerGate, fake geek girl accusations and gatekeeping, it's important to spread the love and understanding within the fandom(s). But unfortunately that's exactly what I didn't do today. So here's the story and then I'll talk about why this is problematic. 

So I have a coworker who is a big fan of radio contests. She enters any and every contest she becomes aware of and frequently wins free tickets to concerts, sporting events and other conventions. Today she announced to me, the office's resident geek, that she was trying to win tickets to this weekend's "Wizard World thingy." For those who don't know, Wizard World puts on comic conventions across the country. Now this is where things went sideways. Rather than congratulate her on her interest in the nerdier side of life, I bristled. I felt, still feel, that entering to win tickets to something which you don't really want is silly and robs someone who really wants to go but can't afford to the chance to enjoy something they love. So anyway, I asked her why she'd want to go. "For the people watching," she replied cheerily. "Why," I asked, pressing further, hoping to make her either look or feel like an asshole, "so that you can point and laugh?" "So I can see all the people in their costumes, and they had a meet and greet with Bruce Campbell." "You don't even like comics," I snarked. "I sort of do," she replied. My next inclination was to administer a quiz, but another coworker interrupted and that, mercifully, was the end of it.

Now I feel that my behavior was problematic. Gatekeeping is a major problem in nerd culture. Because nerds tend to see ourselves as underdogs because of exclusion and bullying that they have experienced in the past, we tend to be very protective of the things we care about.* We tend to feel compelled to keep people out of the fandom who may not seem worthy. I'm not sure if this due to a fear that someone who might be mean or threatening may get in to the sanctum sanctorum or to the comforting feeling of superiority or power that being on the inside affords. I myself have thrive on the drunken power of knowing more than others. It feels damn good. I felt a mixture those feelings today; superiority, judgement, and most of all, butthurt. How dare she invade a space that has been mine! She was not worthy! *waves flaming sword of judgement* Worthiness has nothing to do with it. We should all be accepting of those who show interest in the thing that we like. Were you born with an encyclopedic knowledge of Star Wars? I think not. I'm sure there was some kind person, maybe a parent or and older sibling or friend who invited you in, answered your questions and was patient with you. We all could be that person for someone else. We should also learn to understand that a member of another fandom may feel just as strongly about their fandom as we do about ours, rather than judging him or her based on the fandom's relative popularity to others. We should be trying to grow nerd culture so that other people don't have to go through the feelings of being left out or being the only one who likes x or y. I let down the side today, I'm sorry guys. 

tl;dr Gatekeeping is bad...mmkay?



*I am making broad generalizations about nerd culture based on my own experience, I am aware that these vary greatly on the individual level. Bear with me.

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